The first month of the New Year is almost over... that's terrifying.

This week has been relaxing; Mom is visiting and we've been doing entirely too much eating out and shopping. We also made some jewelry, and just bummed around together, having a very nice time. It's been unseasonably cold here, and she's freezing to death, and won't let us forget it!

Work has been interesting; lots of energy being put toward "rejuvenating" and looking at new ways to do things. I've signed onto multiple committees and been enjoying the diversity it lends to my day. In a totally unrelated twist, I've been moved to another team, something that is quiet common as things get moved around for this and that. I take my book of business with me, but will be reporting to a different supervisor. I feel very lucky as I had the most awesome mentor, then was assigned to an awesome boss, and now I'm being moved to another team with a supervisor who, as I've worked a bit with her before, seems just as super. Someone's watching over me, it seems!

I have some goals I'm going to be trotting out, and a key element in their success is journaling. For some of them, I'm going to make them friends only posts, but I'll hide them behind cuts so you don't have to listen if you don't want to. =-)

Time flew, so we must have been having fun, right? We had a wonderful time with friends visiting; of course we tried to convince them they had to move, but... that's a lot to ask. On the one hand it felt like we ran around, but as also spent a fair amount of time just chilling. We shared the coast, the dreary winter weather, the city, and a lot in between. I think my favorite was the day at the beach; the beauty, the energy, the fun... Winston had traveled with us the day before, and when we left him at home later that afternoon, he watched us leave with a most pitiful look on his face, so Pat insisted we travel with him the next day, so he joined us at the coast and had a blast, as always.



After reading, planning and getting all the goodies necessary, I finally fiddled with the Art Clay Silver, and it's definitely something I plan to continue playing with! It's a tricky medium, but the results are fairly immediate and stunning, so I'm jazzed to be playing with it. The photos don't do the pieces justice, but that's something I'll have to work on, too.


The update on the weight loss is postponed; I slipped back into old habits this weekend, partly due to convenience but also as a bit of an experiment in and of itself. It was a good reminder of the many rewards that avoiding those habits brings. I'm turning my focus back now. Scot's down four pounds, though, so someone in this house is a big loser!

Throwing together the pieces for taco salad (sans the chips for me, of course), I noticed there were a surprising number of strange ingredients and resulting carbs in, of all things, a packet of taco seasoning. So I ditched it and made my own, having all the usual components here at home. When I threw it together, it was missing... something. Scot pointed it out: boullion. A little powdered boullion (we used beef, as we were making it with beef but you could use veggie if you were making it w/ tempeh) and it was perfect.

This method is really working for me, mainly because by cutting out carbs, I cut out the shit I have a problem with. When I do eat, I feel full and satisfied both physically and mentally. And I'm not even tracking calories that closely, I'm just not eating many carbs. I estimate I'm hitting 20-30g carbs per day.

This has forced a natural change in my habits to more healthy things; for instance today for lunch I had a spinach salad with slivered almonds and dried cherries, with a side of tuna salad. No bread of course. And water water water. A string cheese and sugar free Jello for snacks during the day. Quite a change from a double burger, fries and a soda.

(Some people do low carb as nothing but cheese covered bacon. Obviously, not healthy.)

But never, EVER have I had results like this. When eating a diet which focused mainly on low cal, low fat, I would have very slow loss, and always felt hungry, never satisfied, and maintained that position in carb-craving hell, which made it so easy to fall off the wagon.

Now, as someone has said before... can't argue with the results. I no longer have the 2:00pm slump, my mind is more clear. Ate out last night and had a fantastic crab wedge salad, in a restaurant I usually would have gone carbo-crazy in. I actually had a nibble of the garlic bread that came with it... and actually didn't like it. WTF?

I'm totally expecting things to slow to 1-3 lb a week, and I'm ready for that. But I'm riding this until that sad day comes!

Tonight: taco salad. Sans the tortilla chips of course. Beef, cheese, sour cream, olives... this is diet food?

I'd LOVE to have one of these -- seems so bad to buy something for yourself in December, though, so I'll wait until after the holiday and see what shakes out. I've been looking at these for a while, and these really rock my world! Blue Brush Om in Zen Circle Zafu.

And this group's "song-o-matic" cracks me up. Stumbled over it while looking for events in Salem (the'll be at the Elsinore tomorrow).

On my mind is boundaries in relation to sharing online. I recently twiddled around in FaceBook after having gotten the account when I returned to school but not having done much with it until Kalpana mentioned playing Scrabulous. So I imported address books from Google and my Mac, and it dawned on me that this would be uniting multiple spheres. I'm struggling with whether or not that is a good idea, and if it's not, how to go about properly divisioning my online persona so as to retain the ability to freely express myself without sharing too much with those with whom it's not a good idea, but also without doing what would equal self censorship or exhibiting a lack of integrity.

Discuss.

Arose Friday morning at 3am intending to go to the airport with Scot and Kalpana and fly back east. But I didn't want to. Really, really, didn't want to. Could not really identify why--then or now. Initially concerned that Scot would feel negatively about it, I said it more as just a recognition of my feelings and not a suggestion. A few minutes later, however, we'd deduced that it made sense: the dogs wouldn't be alone, we'd save short term parking/meals/petsitter to the tune of $250-300, and I could continue to operate the biz so we wouldn't be closed. In my waffling, Kalpana said, "Geez, he's making it so easy, I wouldn't go either!" When the decision settled in I then burst out crying. What the hell?

I'm just chalking it up to something in the universe and/or my head coming forth with what was needed. Just hoping it might show itself to me so I might understand.

In that time aside from working I've slept, talked with friends (including a surprise phone call from someone I'd all but given up on ever hearing from again), and realized I'm in that stage of breaking food habits where I actually lose the desire to eat, and have to then consciously prepare and consume food. Last night I made a version of Alice Springs Chicken, keeping it low carb by making just a tiny bit of mustard sauce out of a teeny bit of honey and a spicy mustard mix. The scale continues to go down, it sometimes seems to defy reason. The odd reality is that this lack of a functional desire to eat comes along at the same time where I'm beginning to experience REAL physical hunger, the type that is more bothersome than just slightly annoying. Ugh. I'm listening, I'm listening, it just takes me a bit, okay!?

I've done nothing today but read in bed, hot tubbed, cleaned up the kitchen, wrapped some Christmas gifts, drank some tea and geeked around online. Seems a shame as it's a beautiful sunny day here in this state where to hear many speak of it rain is all you see.

I must get up. Shower, get out and run an errand or two. Get SOME sun today.

Before I ramble, as an extrovert the concept of one's self image versus what the world thinks of us has always fascinated me. Ziptie's recent post on a couple of resources led to some interesting discussion and sharing of tools. Indulge me and take a moment, if you know me, to go to this page and simply tackle the simple task of selecting 5-6 adjectives from a set list in order to describe me. I don't believe you have to provide any ID'ing information. Use this link to get there:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=lavachickie

This weekend the plan was to stick close to home. The time was crammed with projects, but at least plans weren't taking us far and wide.

And good thing, for the weekend has consisted mainly of low key activities. Scot was quite sick this past week, and I've had passing periods of oddly intense fatique, nausea, and dizziness. Strange.

This morning we had strawberries from our own yard on our french toast. Heavenly. Nothing tastes as good as a strawberry you grow yourself, they are just heavenly. Our little barrel has a variety of types, so we get a variety of size, texture and taste.

Today we took a walk in Willamette Mission, one of our favorite state parks in the area. Winston insisted, his eyes boring into us this morning with a clear plead, accented by quick glances at the door after peering into each of our eyes. Two brisk miles took us a while, as I stopped at almost every dark blackberry cluster. "You are your father's daughter," Scot remarked. Starting out on the gentle trail seemed to take Herculean effort; every cell of my body screamed fatigue. We finished with a little jog back to the car with Winston, however. It was a nice system-cleanser. It's early, so we picked only a few blackberries, but enough to have atop pancakes tomorrow. Can't decide if I want to use them whole or muddle them with some supporting flavors.

The walk with the dog made me feel less guilty for lying around picking things off Tivo for the rest of the day. We picked up a chimi and shrimp burritos from Muchos Gracias for lunch. We moved to the library to read, lounging together in the sun streaming in the window. As evening fell, however, I became antsy and headed to the kitchen to make manicotti for tomorrow night; they are so much better when you stuff them and and allow them to sit overnight before cooking the whole batch.

Scot sits on the back porch eating a light dinner, the first course of which is half of a catelope so fresh it smells good even to me. Now and then he shares a chunk with the dogs, who gladly take anything as long as it comes from their beloved daddy. He's built a fire in the little fire pit. I think I'll go lounge in the hammock beside it.

July is almost over... can't believe it! A visit from my parents, followed by our friend Kris out for a week. We moved our house around a bit: Scot and I are now sharing an office again, with great results. I'm confident that future collaborations on both the business and personal projects will be bolstered by the arrangement.

I'm yearning to create, but find myself depleted of that type of energy. A passing lull, I do hope. So many things I want to do, yet at the same time my life seems to be shrinking. Resources, seemingly the same as always, seem to be drying up. Time flies. Not to mention money. How is this so?

I look back at posts from a year, two, or three ago and see... a me that in some ways is bigger. More energy. More vibrancy. More... just more. Am I shrinking? Sometimes I do feel as if I am disappearing, somehow.

When purchasing Scot's MacBook of course The Mac Store tried to sell us on the AppleCare Protection Plan. We knew we'd need it, but also knew we could add it at any time before the year was up. So we waited. Good thing we did; I found that Amazon offers this for $199, and Small Dog Electronics offers it for $195.

???

I have discovered you no longer get a hardware test CD unless you purchase that plan. Scot's had more crashes than I would expect from a new computer that doesn't have a lot of shit on it, so I wanted to test the RAM (and likely boost it to the 2GB it will handle). *fizzle*

Off to see Sicko. THAT should be a nice happy movie!

Is an easily accessible library for the public. So they can do things like this:

How to Create an Angry American or a Bush Lies Montage

OMG, for some amusement, check out:

Will It Blend?

OMG! This is SO cute, I WANT IT SO BAD! Too bad this month is "SPEND MONEY AND YOU MAKE BUNNY CRY!" month. Shit.

Finished the last disk of season 2 of Six Feet Under last night. Having read that seasons 3 and 4 get a little tedius as me worried, but the ender of season 5 which capped off the show has been highly touted, so I'll get through.

I'm so tempted to hit a episode synopsis site, however. I just can't stand it!

But I won't. I swear on... on... the dog, that I won't.

Weekends have been taken at a different speed as of late, and it feels fantastic. More focus on the home, more mindful living in general. Odd how in the space that was once filled with more wanting and reaching, a sense of blooming fulfillment grows by simply turning away from that and focusing more on the here, the now, the what is.

We strolled through the Salem Saturday Market with Winston; he gets so much attention at events like that it just makes me giggle to think about. "What kind of dog is that!?" and "OMG he's so cute!" Many people walk right up to him and lavish him with love, others just comment, and turn, nudging their partners. "Look at that dog!" One woman said, "You know, if you could recreate that mix, you'd have a VERY popular breed on your hands."

Of course, he just loves it.

Breakfast this morning was hazelnut pancakes into which Scot threw a few chocolate chips. They were topped with the sweetest Oregon strawberries ever from the market. Maple syrup and some light sausages made for a marvelous taste sensation. It fueled us as we finally began putting the greenhouse together, but we had to stop when it became clear we had a wrong frame part. We'll have to call the company on Monday. So we continued down the list of fun and productive things to do.

I need to continue, though; my car is a hell hole, and I need to clean it up!

When my darling Moulin Rouge soundtrack was dominating play in the household, I loved Complainte De La Butte; a unique clear, sweet but riche male voice struck me (but apparently not enough to go in search of what else he did). Totally by chance I heard it again recently, and found what I had heard was Going To A Town off of Release The Stars by Rufus Wainwright. (Don't peep the lyrics if you think magnetic yellow ribbons made by slave child labor in China are a damn fine way of showing your love for America, or if the gender of the person you love in relation to yours is of any import.)

My god, his voice. I just can't stop listening. I know the name/work has hit my ears off and on, but it's never really clicked. Better late than never, eh?

He's at the Crystal Ballroom w/ Sean Lennon at the end of July, I think. Anyone want to go with me?

Now back to trying to get AppleScript to wrangle a mail folder of 300 messages with attachments into a folder of attachments, plus a text bite showing the sender, message text, and filenames of the attachments in a comma delimited format. I can get one piece or the other to work, but not together. Crap.

Jon shared this fantastic link with me:

Running the Numbers
An American Self-Portrait  

The digital work of Chris Jordan of Seatle is pretty nifty. Check 'em out.

Relaxing in front of a wonderful fire built by my stunning husband. Life is good.

There's a new Foamy cartoon out.

At work they offered a Weight Watcher's group, and I joined. I went to the intro meeting, then the first official meeting... then of course I skipped the next two, one because I was out ill that day and the other as I simply couldn't drag myself away from my desk. This week I was back on the wagon, and scored -4 lb on the weigh in.

Recent reflections by Scot and I have had interesting results. We've discovered a lot of good things and found that we both feel more... satisfied. Fulfilled. And it had nothing to do with food, or belongings, or purchases. It's a feeling that I cling to, fearing it might dissolve.

We are approaching our 15th anniversary, which marks 18 years together. That's quite stunning... I'm only 35!


Scot has spent a lot of time and effort in the back yard, and it is looking fantastic. A wonderful retreat. Nothing is more beautiful than Oregon in the spring.

And the big news... Scot is now an official Oregonian. He passed the test and got his license. Horray!

Today is the picture of a PNW day. Cold. Grey. Rainy.

Top that off with something bothering me--my hands. Other parts of me, too, oddly enough. But my hands are most noticable. On Wednesday, they were sore in the morning. By mid day they felt tight as if swollen, the joints very sore and in general painful. It was worse Thursday, and I took the day off. Despite not typing, it was about the same Friday, and thankfully has lessened a bit. I have no idea what or why -- I've been trying to research but nothing seems to really ring true or stick. CTS? Thyroid problem? Simple hormonal cycles? I don't know. A handful of Aleve does wonders. But it has me worried.

No point in going to the doctor at this point -- I don't have enough information to make any sense of it, so all they're going to do is not make sense of it, either.

Bummer.

Hormonal trends are corresponding with this weather and its brutal. Just not a happy camper, in contrast to last week. But clouds move on, I know that for a fact.